


What He Never Understood

by rosewaterangel



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Child Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nonbinary Chara (Undertale), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25770742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewaterangel/pseuds/rosewaterangel
Summary: Recalling his time with his sibling, Asriel realizes there were so many things he never understood about them. Even now, long after they're gone, he's still trying to make sense of everything.
Kudos: 10





	What He Never Understood

I never really understood what made them hate living so much.

I remember once, we were walking around. We were headed to the dump, I think. Sometimes we liked to go there and see all the things people threw away. They always found the really interesting stuff! This one time, they found a map of the surface. It was so much larger than I thought it would be! I asked Chara about where they had been. How much of that large world had they seen? I was so sad for them when they said they hadn’t left the area around Mt. Ebott.

I never understood some of the things they said to me.

“I think it would be fun to leave my body for a while,” they had told me one afternoon. It was completely out of the blue, we hadn’t been talking. They were knitting, I was reading, we were both just sitting in our bedroom.

I wasn’t sure how to respond. Setting my book down on the bed, I just stared at them for a moment before asking, “Why would you want to do something like that?”

They just laughed at me. “You wouldn’t get it.”

And I guess they were right.

I never understood why they had so many marks on their body.

Whenever I brought it up, they told me not to worry about it. It didn’t matter.

But more kept showing up. They look like they hurt so much. I wanted to know what was going on! I wanted to know what was hurting my friend. I wanted to protect Chara from whatever was hurting them.

It wasn’t until later that I realized I’d have to be saving them from themself.

I don’t really know why Chara hurt themself like that. They knew we loved them so much, more than anything else in the world.

So when they told me about this plan… A plan that would make them happier than anything else in the world, of course I wanted to go along with it. I didn’t think that any plan that Chara came up with could possibly fail. After all, they were the one who came up with our plan to sneak extra pie every night. They were always really good at things like that, figuring out how to talk their way through sticky situations; getting their way was always so easy for them. So I thought this plan would be flawless, since Chara came up with it.

I didn’t know what would come after.

I didn’t know how much pain they would be in.

They were suffering so much. Their body kept holding on, even when it was clear they were going to die. Their body kept fighting even though they so badly didn’t want to keep going.

But even then, they told me that it’d be okay.

Even when they were in so much pain, they cried and writhed around and unable to leave the bed, their poisoned body trying to fight off the illness, they were trying to comfort me.

I wish I told them no.

Setting monsters free isn’t worth it if it meant they were going to die.

I know even if I told them no, I wouldn’t do it, they would have just forced me to. It’s not like they were just going to give up.

And now they’re gone.

Maybe if I’d loved them more. Maybe then they wouldn’t have wanted to die so bad. Maybe the underground would have been more bearable then.

But there’s no way to know.

I just hope that, in the end, they knew that they were loved. And wherever they are now, I hope they know that I don’t resent them, I’m not angry. It’s not like they could have predicted how this would turn out, right?

I just wish I could go back and make things right.

I love them.

I don't understand what they did to deserve all of that pain.

I don’t understand what we did to deserve all of this suffering.

I don't understand why it had to end like this.

I just don't understand.


End file.
